Why D?

If you are reading this, then you know me. If you're reading this, then we're friends -- though some are better friends than others. One of you helped me recently by making me aware of the bitter fact that I suck at choosing title for my blog posts. And probably, he was right. Sometimes I do injustice to the title of the post. Like, talking of the the previous post, there was hardly anything there pertaining to LOVE. But for those who accuse me of writing long posts, I am sorry guys, I can’t help it. I know, after reading the title of this post, you must be thinking that probably I failed again, but not to worry, I’ll prove you wrong. I know it sounds absurd, "Why D?". But, I know that this title is quite fearsome, for AITans at least. For others, let me introduce to this term YD (Why D), which stands for year down or its generally known as year back in other colleges, when you have to sit back home and take a drop for one year to clear your subjects. People in AIT don’t like to face results, 66% of my batch is below 60% and hence gives enough reason to why people don’t like facing the D-day. Last year, I was standing at the gateway of this so called YD. Eleven theory exam in a span of 21 days and three practical examinations is hell of a reason to get a YD. But somehow, I made it through and cleared all of them. These are the words of a man, who didn’t see a single sunset in AIT last semester, not because he was busy studying in room, but because he didn’t want a reason for a YD afterwards and regret. Believe me, it was height of pessimism, I spent half of my time thinking period aftermath YD. My parents still don’t know about my critical stage, but their blessings were always with me, and now I don’t care, even if they come to know of it.

I was not the only one who was on the verge of getting year down. There were others too. Most of us were fortunate enough to make it through, some could not. Some people played a great role in each of our's success. Apart from parents and relatives, there is a third kind of relationship that I can’t stop praising since they helped a lot by providing me with moral support throughout the semester. There were people around me providing me with all sort of help, and I call this category of people, “friend”. Believe me, getting out of such a situation (YD) requires a lot of mental balance, and I bet you can’t accumulate that all alone. I have seen people getting ripped off with mere six theories. I remember people coming to me regularly and asking me to study. Some of them, came drunk some sober, but all of them were worried for me undoubtedly. It’s not just about clearing exams, that make me say that, but there are many more reasons to support the call.

It’s a friend who gives you the strength and the courage to face all these fears. I owe you ALL a debt of thanks, since I said “If you're reading this, then we're friends”. It is through your friendship and influence on me and my life that I'm able to do what I need to. Looking at yourself and all your beliefs under a microscope isn't easy, and realizing you've been wrong can be incredibly painful. So, a friend is always needed, who can point you your adjectives, both positive and negative.

Believe me, all of us have changed some or the other way, I am not the same Nitish that I used to be at time I joined AIT. Now, I have the guts to admit my mistakes and shame in a public forum -- because admitting it in public is really, really hard, but it feels like the one of the two ways I can achieve redemption, and its you who have provided me with this courage. It is you who instills in me the desire to be as perfect a person as I can and the tenacity to stick to it no matter how hard it is. I want to be a great person, but I want to be a great person for you, too. Some of you say, that I am my harshest critic, and that I lack optimism and have a very negative attitude towards life. But don’t you think that it’s beneficial since that makes it harder to be proud of yourself and harder to believe that you're capable of massive change, and hence you work harder for it. However, it is you that makes me want to try even when I think it might be hopeless. It is you who gives me the confidence that I can do anything, even when I'm afraid to believe. It is to you that I owe a mountain of "thank you's," and to you I have a debt I can never pay. Not everyone I owe will read this, but everyone who reads this is owed. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for spurring this journey. I couldn't have done this without you, and I hope you know how much it means to me..